trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
