Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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