Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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