theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
