Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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