I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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