Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
