uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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