just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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