I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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