Taylor Swift is so right about you.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Watching her eat just hurts me
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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