He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
