went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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