YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he wants to bone in the snuggie
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
