He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
