Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
