"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
