I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
