It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
