hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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