you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
