That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
