i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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