i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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