You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
