Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
