At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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