I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
