My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think my moral compass just broke
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
