You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
