I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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