My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
