I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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