member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
