Define "chronic" masturbator.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
