You smell like stripper and shame
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
