I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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