OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
