It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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