Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
