I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
