My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
