you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
