So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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