of course. lets lasso hookers.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
