i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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