Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just had sex on a roof
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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