and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
