this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
