It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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